Melihat diri sendiri via watak itu

Hari ni hari Khamis tp aku tak ingat tarikh..selalunya aku tak ambil pusing tentang tarikh kecuali bila ada sesuatu perlu diingati termasuk tarikhnya jadi sekurang-kurangnya aku ada pasang 'alarm'. Hari ni hujan turun dengan lebatnya tapi hanya untuk seketika. Hujan yang pertama sejak 2 minggu tidak hujan disini (Ipoh) tambahan jerebu sedang melanda hampir keseluruhan semenanjung Malaysia. Alhamdulillah berkat doa yang tidak putus-putus dari umat manusia disegenap penjuru mohon limpahan rahmat dariNya. Sekurang-kurangnya kuranglah sedikit perncemaran udara. Terasa baru dapat hirup udara segar sejak sekian lama huhu..

Suasana buat aku rasa sedikit suram dan sepi. Aku keseorangan didalam rumah ditemani Neko-Chan (kucing orang yang selalu datang rumah ni). Suka hati aku je bagi gelaran macam tu hehe..Baru-baru ni aku menonton siri anime honey and clover complete season I & II. Sebenarnya ini kali ketiga aku menonton siri tu tapi yang kali ketiga ni baru aku dapat tengok episod akhir musim ke-2 tu. Bagi aku ini adalah anime terbaik pernah aku tonton. Ceritanya tak merapu macam kebanyakkan anime tapi aku rasa seperti sedang menonton perjalanan hidup seseorang. Terasa begitu 'live' sampai banyak kali juga aku berair mata. Aku memang salute pada penulis cerita ni. Watak Takemoto Yuuta paling aku suka. Sedikit sebanyak watak itu ada dalam diri aku. Ceritanya agak santai dan penuh humor semasa musim pertama kemudian ia semakin kompleks pada musim kedua tapi banyak mesej tersirat. Malah aku ambil masa menonton sebanyak 3 kali baru aku faham matlamat jalan cerita ni.  Drama ni ada versi live-action  malah ada 2 hours movie tapi aku lebih suka animasinya sebab ia complete. 

Walaupun aku telah selesai menonton siri animasi ni tapi fikiran aku tetiba jadi serabut dengan seribu satu persoalan, impian dan penyesalan. Malah aku selalu dibayangi memori silam dan ia terus bermain seperti menonton wayang tanpa henti. Sejak dari itu aku sering dekatkan diri pada Ilahi. Sekurang-kurangnya dengan mengingatiNya disaat aku jadi gelisah. Dengan cara itu aku dapat kembali ketenangan. Selepas itu, aku akan teruskan kehidupan seperti biasa disamping mengejar impian iaitu kebahagiaan & kemenangan didunia dan diakhirat kelak..^_^ 

love: it ended before it begins

mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku

mengagumi tanpa di cintai

tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia

dalam hidupmu, dalam hidupmu

telah lama kupendam perasaan itu

menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku

tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah

bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

(Ungu-cinta dalam hati)

blog.karachicorner.com

I have to admit that I really love to watch love story or listen to love songs. Ironically, I never ever had someone special in my life. Suppose there is someone but it ends before it begins. The same thing keeps going again and again. Sometimes being a single makes me feel like a bird flying freely to the sky but sometimes it makes me feel like living in an empty room.

I did fell in love so many times but it just one hand clapping. My heart says, "He's not meant to be mine". I believe someday I will meet the one who will be mine forever here and after.InsyaAllah.. There are some people try  to alluring me but I just simply reject it before it starts because I know they're not serious about this love thing. Sometimes my friends told me that someone had crush on me but I never asked them about the person they talking about. Sometimes I had a crush to someone but I just look at him from far away. Nobody know about it because I never tell anyone and just act normal when I met him. Perhaps I had a phobia on something but I don't know what is it. Love phobia maybe?

samantha183.blogspot.com

I realize that I'm not a superstar or greatest person on the earth. I'm just a simple person with simple appearance and personality. I don't know what people say about me but I can say on my behalf that I'm just at average as a human. Since I was a kid I keep my promises to my father that I will not let myself engaged with love thing. I'm not that strong to handle two task between love and study. 

In my previous post, I did mentioned that I will be "rewarded" if I did something wrong which will make my parent sad. It's true and my life will turn into miserable even it is just a tiny mistake. Allah never break His promises. Those who disobedient to their parent (except things against religious law) will get the replies instantly. During my study at UiTM, I break my promise with my father. I fell in love with someone,S who is a friend of my room mate. He start his first move by send me sms greetings. I replied it and we keep sms for about a month until one day he want to meet me personally. I agree but I still want my room mate to come with me so that I'll be safe. I never thought the meeting led to a disaster. Our love story ends before it begins. It was my mistake to bring along another friend of mine who is also my room mate, N. Shes dressing quite sexy  while I'm just too simple and awkward to see. Because of her appearance and being too friendly, S had a crash with her. 

As the time passes, S and N "stab me from behind". They had affair out of my knowledge until my room mate can't stand to see me been tricked like a fool. She tell me the truth. How do I feel? Can't explain with words. During the crisis I feel like I've been struck by lightning every seconds. Luckily my room mate give me moral support but I'm not that strong. My life turns into darkness for the whole term and I was nearly got kicked from UiTM because of my poor examination results. The torture continues, I can't have PTPTN money for the next term because my CGPA below the level required. I also need to repeat the 3 papers I failed.  What a reward huh..=_="

Allah is ever forgiving, Most merciful. He give me the second chance to rise again. The next term, I did well for my final exam and I just can't believe I did it. Slowly I accept the fact and face the reality. Allah is the most fair. The next term, S been kicked from the UiTM because of poor result and he got clashed with N. N got sniffed by S that N had another affair. S still sms me and the way he text me like he want to be friend with me again. Whatever, I have no concerns on them. N also had a big crisis regarding her family, her ex-sugar daddy,  her debt for her previous study at private college and of course her special ex-bf S. Is that a karma?

sweetscentedpath.blogspot.com

 I feel free after what I've been through but I can't deny that the incident put myself into alertness on love matter. However, I'm still waiting the one meant for me. I pray that someday I will meet the right person who can love me, care me, guide me, protect me and did everything for me because of Allah.